It is no secret that I am the master of finding celebrities their new abodes. Sometimes, however, the apartment can be just right but the tenant chooses the wrong roommate. This was absolutely the case with my dear friend, Betty, and her roommate.
I received a series of emails from Betty explaining her unfortunate situation. These are completely real emails from Betty Boop documenting her experience with her roommie, Diana (aka Wonder Woman).
“Austin, I think I have made an awful mistake. Diana is dreadful. I thought that everything would be okie dokie since she works during the day and I am such a night owl, but no! Austin, sometimes she goes invisible and waits for me to come home from Fat Catz Jazz Joint, and then when I walk in she whips me with her Golden Lasso. THE LASSO IS NOT EVEN GOLD, IT IS YELLOW! What should I do?”
I told her what I tell all of my clients that have first-time issues with roommates. Have a mature and adult conversation about boundaries and expectations.
A few weeks later, I received this:
“I spoke to WWDiana and she was not happy. She stopped whipping me but she has been invisible ever since. I know she is there. I can hear her breathing. I accidentally sat on her when I went to use the potty. It’s getting weird, Austin. EVERYTHING IS SO WEIRD.”
I let Betty know that she probably hurt Diana’s feelings. Diana most likely thought that they were going to be good friends and Betty’s “boundaries convo” hurt her pride. I suggested that she apologize.
“I have to move. Diana is crazy. She.Is.Crazy. Ever since my apology, she won’t stop with the “wonder” puns. She is not funny, nor is she punny. She waits for me to get home and makes me take off her boots. This can’t be normal. Is this normal? Oh, dear. You have no idea what 14 hours a day of crime fighting smells like. The other day she asked me to help her with a scrapbook and I ended up doing the whole thing myself. I mean, how many pictures does she need of “famous Dianas” in masks and spandex? Some Dianas are not worthy of tights! She also asked to be called just “Wonder” from now on. The puns are literally killing me. I’m leaving tonight.”
Some people just are not meant to live together. Best of luck to the both of them.
Roommate Update! Buzz Lightyear and Beyonce are LOVING their Tribeca Loft! Some stories do end well.
